I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
