btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ttyl tear gas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize