Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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