For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
