Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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