Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
