I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
