One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
