did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
