Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
