Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize