i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Green mimosas i think yes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
