Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
