O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
