Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
