walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
