He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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