I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
