I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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