Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
