cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
