I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
