I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize