i just had sex bonerless
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
