Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
