I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My dick has a subreddit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize