My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize