apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
