When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
