Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
