i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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