I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
