You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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