I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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