The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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