You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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