Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
