I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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