Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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