Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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