why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
