goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
