goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
