dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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