that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
