i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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