Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
