it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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