I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize