Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
