I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
