She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
