a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
