1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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