he puts the penis in happiness.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want her autograph on my taint
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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