Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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