I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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