Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do vagina's smell?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
