Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's the barista slut.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize