New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
