Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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