And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Couch. On fire.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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