im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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