And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
