I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
