My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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