we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she pinky promised me she was 18
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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